Loneliness??

I went over to AK this morning to meet Justin, Melissa (another trainer also works at Imag), Wendy (one of our coordinators), and Travis (works at the Land). We headed right to Everest to get fastpasses. Then they wanted to go on Kali River Rapids. Now, I've never been on this ride, simply because of the rapids part. I don't want to get wet, because I hate being uncomfortable and wet is one of the worst kinds of uncomfortable. But I wasn't about to be the party pooper, so we got in line and I kept my freaking out to myself. The real problem was that I had to work later and didn't want to look like a drowned rat. As we got closer and I saw people getting off the ride completely soaked I must have gotten really big eyes because Justin picked up on it. He said, you didn't want to get wet today did you? I was like no. But I was going to do it anyway. It was fun, I ended up being the driest of everyone, but it was still too wet for me. I was trying to be a good sport though.

Then we headed over to Primeval Whirl. We'd done the wash cycle, now we needed the dry cycle. That was fun, I like that ride a lot. It is pretty jerky though. I'm used to riding it by myself, with another person you slam into each other because it whips you so hard, not exactly comfortable. We got some fast passes for Dinosaur and then waited the 40 minutes for it to come up. Justin hates lines, I don't how you work at Disney and hate lines as much as he does, but I guess it works for him. So we did everything in as short of a line as possible.

The waiting part was probably the hardest, it made me realize just how different I am than the other people. Well, people in general. We sat and talked, well they talked I just listened. It was hard to get a word in with this group, so I didn't really. Plus, I'm pretty shy especially when it's a group of people I don't know, so I hung back and kind of observed. I like to feel people out before I really open up, so I know how much I want to open up and how fast, things like that. Well the conversation turned a little rated R for my tastes. Of course, modest little me over here has no idea how to deal with things like that, so I just didn't say anything. The more time I spend with others the more it becomes clear that I am so not the norm. I think I need to meet more people at church, they're a little more my speed. It just felt very ackward and uncomfortable to me and I was trying so hard not to show that.

Dinosaur was not too bad. Although the building smelled really bad and made me want to throw up. We did Everest, which I was scared of. I was in the front this time, which meant the drop wasn't so bad, it still felt icky though. All my ride pictures turned out the worst faces, Justin seemed to get a kick out of them, but I was definitely feeling some anxiety in the photo.

We headed over to Epcot to go to the cast picnic. It was pirate themed, all the managers were around speaking pirate and dressed up. They had some info booths in the front, nothing too exciting. Then the food, which didn't look or smell very good to me so I just had some bread and a Mickey bar. Yep, I got a free Mickey bar. It was amazing. They were doing a culinary challenege with the restaurants in Epcot. Sort of like Top Chef, they all created a dish. Judges picked a winner and the cast got to sample them and pick a winner as well. I didn't eat any of those. We had pirate Mickey, Minnie, Goofy, and Donald, and Jack Sparrow around for photo ops. I'm not very into the whole pirate thing, so I wasn't totally thrilled with it. It was definitely cool, but not exactly up my alley. They also had the merchandise shop with deeply discounted "booty". Up to 75% off, so there were some really good deals. There was nothing that caught my eye, and I didn't want to spend money anyway, so I didn't look to hard.

The day was a lot of fun, I had a good time with everyone. But for some reason I felt more lonely when I was with the group than when I was just with myself. I don't know how that works. If it was just me and one other person or even two, it was fine. But the whole group was kind of overwhelming and I felt very left out. I knew it would happen, it always does. It's just that I didn't feel comfortable forcing myself into the conversation. And then some of the topics made me feel very isolated in my opinion, one that I didn't feel I could share. So that part of the day wasn't fun. I'm just not very assertive, so I don't really know how to address things like that.

I had to do crowd control tonight at the American Adventure, so I ditched out early from the group, they were going to MK to hang out and catch Wishes. I got my costume and had to mess around with sizes for a while. Then I went to get on the bus, which was late, so I was also late, but I'd already clocked in, so it was no biggy. We got to spend the first hour over at the picnic. I looked a little harder at the merchandise, nothing that I really wanted to buy, but this time I didn't look all that hard because I had nowhere to store it. The job was pretty simple: No strollers, you can't block the aisle, count the people who come in. That's about it. I just enjoyed the concert. It did get pretty hard to stand towards the end of the night, the last hour was so unbearable. I'm glad I'm finally off of them.

When I got home, Julie and Kim said they were going to PI (Pleasure Island). I was so exausted and in pain I was just not in the mood to do anything but lay down and sleep. I feel so bad saying no. I want to go, it's just that I need a little notice to plan ahead. I look like crap, and I wasn't about to go out that way. Hopefully something'll come up soon that I can do with them. I want to hang out, the timing jut never works. Now I work pretty much every night next week, I picked up some shifts doing Wishes, we'll see how that goes.